Being real

As far back as I can remember, I've been a perfectionist. It's kind of weird because I'm not like that about everything (my parents would most certainly tell you that I'm not very perfectionistic about keeping my room or car clean). That stuff isn't as big of a deal around my family, just because I could never keep up the act. No way, I'd go crazy. Around other people though, I struggle. I struggle to be as collected and put-together as possible. I have trouble wanting my life to look neat and easy from the outside when it's not. Nobody has a perfect life even though all these fancy bloggers and fashionable people try to convince us that they do. 
Somehow, in the past year, I finally just got tired of pretending to be as perfect as possible. It was a constant act to look as good as I could so people would like me or think good stuff about me, etc. I don't know when it happened, but I just kind of realized the sheer pride and ridiculousness of trying to act like that. It may have just been because it's actually been a really tough year and I couldn't keep up the act anymore, or it may have been that I got sick of trying to act like someone I wasn't, or maybe both. I'm not perfect and it's absolute arrogance to act like I am or that I could possibly be in this life.
However, over the past year, especially in the past few months, I've just kind of had to push that mask aside. That isn't how this is. That's not how community works either and it's absolutely ridiculous of me to try to pretend. Slowly, God has been breaking down those walls, showing me how proud and selfish I've been for acting that way. Sure, I still have my stuff, and everyone does, but I'm not fake. Although it scares me, I'm being real and honest about my struggles and imperfections. I don't build walls around myself when I meet people, even though that's scary. It's scary to open yourself up to other people's judgement, but you've just got to remember that their judgement doesn't matter. It doesn't and, though that can be freeing, it's also really hard to actually believe that, but God's judgement is the only one that matters and Christ has made me perfect in His eyes. It's not that I want people to think badly about me, and it's not that I'm necessarily okay with it if they do, but it'll happen, and I'll come to terms with that when it happens I guess.  

"Being real is more a process of letting go than it is the effort of becoming.

I don't really have to become myself,

although at times it feels this way.

I already am what I am.

And that is both the simplest and the hardest thing for me to realize."

Things I could live without...

This is a list of things I could easily live without in my life. Some of these are super weird. You were forewarned.

• Ostriches: They're super creepy, have evil eyes, and I was pecked by one as a child.
• Hot dogs: That's just gross. No. Even ketchup can't help that...
• Traffic: I'm not a very patient person in traffic. I just mutter, "No one loves you..." to everyone that gets in my way...
• Anything that gets in the drain: hair, food, you name it. There's something about it being in the drain that suddenly freaks me out.
• The salad that is practically weeds. People always tell me that iceberg lettuce has hardly any nutritional value and that it's mostly composed of water, but, honestly, I'm pretty sure it's better than most stuff I would eat in it's place. You're actually really lucky I'm just eating salad in general.
• Regular pencils: What is this? The middle ages? Might as well get me some papyrus or the rosetta stone for goodness sakes.
• My dog dripping water all over the floor making it impossible for me to be able to stand wearing socks.
• People wearing leggings as pants. They aren't pants. I don't think anything with a spandex percentage that high should be worn as pants. 'nuff said.
• Those girls that look like models coming to 8am classes. We all know you got up at the crack of dawn to look like that. You ain't fooling me. Look normal/somewhat miserable like the rest of us.  
• Wearing ridiculously high heels to class. There's no reason. I'm not going to tell you what you look like, just wear normal shoes. This isn't New York's Fashion Week and I haven't seen a catwalk anywhere near here.
• Sick people. I'm a total germaphobe. I blame it on my mom. Someone sneezes and I'm flipping out in my head and trying not to breathe their sneeze-air and hand sanitizing every 5 minutes. 
• Children wearing those backpacks that also double as leashes the parents can hold onto. That has "my kid is a brat" written ALL over it.
• Teenagers. (Yes, this includes myself. I'm aware that I can be annoying.)
• Vacuuming: Why does the vacuum have to be so loud? So loud...
• People who go the speed limit...Please? 5 over at least...Some of us aren't just old with nowhere to be...
• People who don't yield...no one knows how to yield here!
• People who go slow in the fast lane.
• People who will not let semis merge: He's trying to get a giant TRUCK on the interstate in a 10 second span of time. Let him out.
• My sister pinching me. She pinches really well and it hurts terribly.
• My friends/everyone else making fun of my love for Justin Bieber. Can I not just have this ONE teenage girl thing?! Good gravy...
• Hashtagging on Facebook...I heard they might get hashtags, but, until then, stop it (I will allow hashtags that post from Instagram or Twitter automatically, but that is the only concession I will make on this topic...). 
• Automatic water faucets and paper towel dispensers. I can't work them. They never work for me. I get the soap and I just wave my hands like a dummy for a long time. The water finally comes on for, what, like 3 seconds? Then the paper towels won't work and I get so impatient that I just dry my hands on my pants like some sort of hillbilly.
• Tucking in shirts. Just having to tuck in my shirt. It feels weird and I can never get it right.
• Watching golf. I'm pretty sure I can pretend to be interested in nearly any other sport. I just cannot do golf. It bores me to death.
• Wrong uses of your, you're, its, it's, and 's.
• Guys who think they're the sexiest thing in the world. I don't need/want to see your stomach every day or even every week on Instagram. Don't be so vain. It honestly looks the exact same as when you posted it last week. Gimme a break. Can I get some pictures of a kitten or something instead of you all the time? Thanks so much...(Actually, even if you were still shirtless but holding a kitten, that would still be a little better...)
• Girls pinning other half naked/anorexic model girls on Pinterest as "inspiration" to not eat anything. Please, how long will that make your willpower last? About 2 seconds until you see cake, that's how long.
• Hipsters. I have my hipster moments, but I'm not too cool for Starbucks. Come on.
• Guys making fun of girls loving romantic comedies. They're so unrealistic and adorable! Leave me alone and let me think that this is how love works for the next 90 minutes...
• Those people who go around you on the interstate and then, once they get around you, I swear, purposefully clean their windows, spraying windshield wiper fluid all over you...
• The fact that Sperry's are called "boat shoes." Everyone wears them. A very small percentage of the population owns a boat or even so much as steps foot on a boat on a regular basis. Can we call them college shoes? Umn, 20-something-year-old shoes? Just trying to be realistic...
• People laughing at me for taking a picture. This is my passion...this is a great picture opportunity...do not laugh at me sir (or ma'am I suppose).
• Creepy guys that drive those white vans that don't have windows in the back. Yeah, sorry, it freaks me out. (Add ice cream truck drivers to that...)
• Old people grabbing my face. You know what I mean, like when they're trying to look at you cause they think you're so cute and grab your cheeks. Yeah, I can't take that. I always feel suddenly trapped and have to fight the urge to uppercut and run. Natural reflex.
• Getting moisturizer/makeup IN MY EYES. This seriously happens way too much. I don't know how I do it, but I always manage to get crap in my eyes and it burns and I scream. True story, bro.
• People don't take me seriously when I yell. I think it's something about being like 5 foot 3. I probably look like a southpole elf (movie reference Elf).
• Pulling my ponytail when my hair is up. It's not for you to keep a handle on me. It's for my hair to be out of my danged face.
• When I show people something on my phone and they take my phone and start going through it. Unless you're like my best friend, no.
• Girls that wear too much eyeliner. You look like a raccoon.
• Those "wife beater" tank tops. I've never seen a person pull one of those off and that's just how it is...
• Weather above 80 degrees.
• Vague Facebook statuses. Like, "I can't do this anymore." Nothing else.
• Lists of things people could live without ;) Just kidding